I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How does one acquire holy water?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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