You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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