Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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