I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
