Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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