yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
