Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
