Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
