then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
