I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
