She announced her abortion via fbk
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
