You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
