I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
