Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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