I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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