i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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