It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
