You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
