my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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