Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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