I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
