Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
