If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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