just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could fuck to npr.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
