if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
