I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
