So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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