can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
