I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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