I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
