Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
