If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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