I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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