She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
