I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
