On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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