Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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