don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
