I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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