Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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