god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Where is the hickey?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize