A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
