I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
