i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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