so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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