jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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