it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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