Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
