I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mouth tastes like poor choices
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
