the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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