respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
