I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
