quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
