i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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