State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
