Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
