I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
