Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
