Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i think my cat just said my name.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
