someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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