I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
