I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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