The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
