Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
