i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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